The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
