Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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