you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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