like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
