somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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