My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize