i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
