I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
