What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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