I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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