Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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