If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
