Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
