I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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