Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
