what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
