Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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