If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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