Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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