my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
