can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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