Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
