We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
