Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
