I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
