i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
