we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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