Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
