I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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