Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
