She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
