He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
