im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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