It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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