i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
