I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
