omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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