he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
