i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
