And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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