The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
