Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
