I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
