My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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