shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
