Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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