I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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