This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
