you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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