I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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