i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
