I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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