I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
