Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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