She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
