He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
