I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got chris browned last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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