Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
