A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
