Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
