omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
