I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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