yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
