Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
