his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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