he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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