Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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