I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
