So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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