I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
