he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize