Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
