What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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